It's reassuring.. despite all that has happened.. despite how far I've gone away, that God is with me always.

God loves me the same. Before, now and forever.

I hope I'll never forget this.   May it affect and reflect in every part of my life: the mundane moments, the stressful moments, the hurried moments, the rare quiet moments. I give each to Him.

It's so good.. to stress and be worried and then... to realize that I don't have to- that I just have to lift them up to Him.  Knowing everything is in the Hands of the One who created the heavens and the earth, who knew me before I was born is so freeing. Only He knows my deepest needs and I'll just have to trust.  Though I'll get stressed out again, I hope I'll always try to hold onto this. Hmm.. these words just don't do justice.

Maybe returning to these simple yet beautiful truths is part of the road to redemption. 

Is there hope for every man
A solid place where we can stand
In this dry and weary land
Is there hope for every man
Is there love that never dies
Is there peace in troubled times
Someone help me understand
Is there hope for every man

Seems there's just so many roads to travel, it's hard to tell where they will lead
My life is scarred and my dreams unraveled
Now I'm scared to take the leap
If I could find someone to follow who knows my pain and feels the weight
The uncertainty of my tomorrow, the guilt and pain of yesterday

There is hope for every man
A solid place where we can stand
In this dry and weary land
There is hope for every man
There is Love that never dies
There is peace in troubled times
Will we help them understand?
Jesus is hope for every man

-every man; casting crowns

afraid.lost.weary.ache.alone?

My life is lacking reflective thought and contemplation.

I rush from classes to classes to job #1 to job #2 to volunteerjob #1 to volunteer job#2 to meeting1 to meeting2 and so on and so forth. If i barely have time to sleep, when would I have time to think?

At the moments where I slow down for a minute, it scares me.  How do I know im making a wise decision if I never really had time to think it through? Do I even really know what my priorities are if I never even thought about it? How do I keep myself in check in terms of who I am and what I believe if I never really contemplate it, understand it, develop it? Am I losing myself in the rush?

I do indeed feel like a zombie... what with my dark eye circles and all, rushing from one place to another in a drowsy, fatigued state.  It is all quite numbing to my soul.

I've been ruined for anything less-- and it's good to be reminded of it.

i miss having soul-satisfying conversations.

conversations about things other than school, various fleeting events, other people... things that lie at the surface of life.

but conversations about dreams, aspirations, beliefs, current issues in the world (not just ones in our own little spheres of existence), needs/thoughts we have in the depths of our souls

i miss those conversations that have depth and soul and thought and connection.

its been a long time since. i don't really remember the last time.

...maybe its just all this damn dreamy music im listening to lately...